I
don’t feel like a strong person. I’m using food banks and stuff the now
and gambling. I want to be strong but I’m not yet, there’s a long way to go.
It’s a long slow road, but it’s a road, not a stop.
I
get £104 a fortnight to live off. Crisis loan repayments and Council Tax
comes off that first. Then £30 to the hostel. £40 for messages.
I will have to start paying back my old rent arrears if I want a new flat
with the Housing Association. I have very little left at the end of it.
It’s hard to cope. Even though I get my Housing Benefit, it’s hard
times. Everything is money. Everything. And everything is
going up apart from what you’ve got in your pocket.
Sometimes
I end up going back the Bookies because I’m desperate to make my money stretch
a bit further. I used to gamble a lot in the past. It gets a hook
in you; it’s like control in the head. Sometimes it’s like it’s just
whispering to you. But you can never beat a bookie, no matter how hard
you try.
They
push you and push you at the Job Centre. I’m always worried I’m going to
trip up and get sanctioned. Every time I go in there it’s a worry.
One of our Commissioners gives us a privileged insight into their life. They give us the good and they give us the bad. The story helps us understand poverty a little better. Here is part 8.
I feel trapped because I’m living in a hostel, and if I took a job and lost my Housing Benefit, I wouldn’t be able to pay the hostel. It would be too hard. But they don’t listen to me at the Job Centre, I’m just another number. I really want to work, but I don’t know how, and it feels like they’re choking to sanction me.
I feel trapped because I’m living in a hostel, and if I took a job and lost my Housing Benefit, I wouldn’t be able to pay the hostel. It would be too hard. But they don’t listen to me at the Job Centre, I’m just another number. I really want to work, but I don’t know how, and it feels like they’re choking to sanction me.
At
times I feel socially excluded out of everything. I feel like people look
down on me because of the way I look, the way I dress. I start to think in
my head that I’m a waste of space. I might look homeless, but there’s
still good inside of me. Don’t insult my intelligence. I don’t want
people to pity and patronise me when I walk down the street. I am still a
human being. Every time I get up, get a shower in the morning, get ready,
go out, every day is a battle. Sometimes it really affects my mental
health. But I know there will be low days and try to keep going.
I
try not to use food banks because they make me feel worse. They make me
feel low, ashamed, it shows I’m struggling, it feels like another judgement.
I know they’re there to help people, but that’s how they make me feel.
Sometimes I have no option though.
I’m
much more than someone who is struggling with money, mental health and homelessness.
I am a singer, an actor, a striver. My strength is being with
people, building relationships, and supporting them. I know what it is
like to be alone and isolated.
I
volunteer with Bridging the Gap in the Gorbals. I feel happy when I
go there. They are amazing. Every time I go in there it’s always a
positive and something I’m good - I can be somebody.
And
now I am part of the Poverty Truth Commission too. I want to help change
things. Actions are better than words. We all need to take a stand
together, and I want to be a part of that change.
The
most important thing I’ve learnt about myself is to never give up on yourself.
If you give up on yourself, what chance have you got?